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The weirdest shit just happened to me…

So, over the weekend I rediscovered a black maxi skirt. Wore it, fell in love with it all over again. So I decided this evening that I wanted to wear it to work tomorrow. I gathered it along with a few other dark items & took it downstairs to the laundry room to do a small load of darks. 

The laundry room is 30 steps away from my apartment. I counted this as I just came back upstairs. It’s SUPER close. I get downstairs to the laundry room, unlock the door. Walk in. The 4 washers are all occupied. 3 washers have like 25 min left on them. 1 washer has 15 min left. I come back upstairs & wait. Go back downstairs. That 4th washer is now done. The clothes are just sitting in it. It’s 8:45. So, I open up the March issue of Vanity Fair that’s sitting on the little laundry room bookcase & flip through it. 10 minutes elapses. I have Master Chef on pause upstairs. I got better shit to do than to sit here all night watching these wet clothes sitting in this washer. So I took them out. Put them into one of the empty dryers. I left the dryer door propped open so that when the owners of the clothes returns they’ll see their stuff in there & won’t be immediately alarmed. It was a load of socks. Men’s sports socks & baby socks. All whites. Some of the baby socks had pink trim on them. 

SO. I put my small load of darks in the washer. Put in the detergent. Throw my quarters in. The washer tells me I have 29 min til my load is done. I go back upstairs. Set the timer on the microwave for 27 min. I sit on the couch & watch a little Master Chef. 26 min later before the alarm goes off I go downstairs with my basket. Stop by the mailbox to grab my mail. I go over to the laundry room & unlock the door. Walk over to my washer. I look in. The load is spinning around so fast it almost looks empty. Is it empty? Naw…couldn’t be. I squat down. I’m staring into this washing machine waiting for the load to slow down so that I can see clothes cuz right now? I don’t see shit. Maybe it’s spinning so fast that it looks empty. That must be it. Cuz there wasn’t much in there. Has to be. And then it slows down. And I’m looking into an empty washing machine full of suds. I look up at the remaining time. It says 19 minutes. HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE? Where are my clothes? And why are there 19 minutes left on this load?! I open up the dryer that I put the wet socks into and they’re still there. Where the f*ck are MY clothes?! 

So now I’m knocking on doors trying to figure out WHO has my clothes. Because you need a key to get into the laundry room so someone deliberately went in and walked off with my stuff. I knock on a few doors. It’s 9:15 pm. Only 1 person answers. He asks his mom when was the last time she was down in the laundry room. She has to think back. Clearly it wasn’t within the last 30 min so I didn’t really care what the answer was. Nosy bald neighbor guy from downstairs is sitting down at the pool on his phone. I told him what happened cuz I figured he’s the eyes & ears around here. “Maybe someone got pissed cuz you moved their stuff” he says. But they left their stuff there! So we go back together into the laundry room. He’s opening washers & dryers trying to find my stuff. He suggested that I sit down there & wait til the owner of the socks comes back. I got better shit to do. So I took the wet socks & put them in my basket. I’m holding their shit hostage. He told me which neighbors have kids. I asked him if anyone had a little girl since there were girl socks in the load & he said 1 neighbor did. So we head over to their apartment. We’re knocking & knocking & knocking. All the lights are on. TV is on. I can see a baseball game on the tv through the blinds. Nobody’s coming to the door. 

I keep standing there & finally this guy comes to the door. “Do you recognize these?” I asked. He looks at the socks & says “Oh yeah! Those are ours!” “Ok…I think you have my stuff then.” And then this long confusing search for my clothes begins. He explains that he & his girl were both doing laundry and blah blah blah. He goes back in, goes into the bedroom & is gone for a few min. Then he comes back with the girlfriend. She wants me to describe my clothes. I could only remember a few things that were in that load…like my maxi skirt & tank that I planned to wear to work tomorrow. She keeps asking me to describe my stuff. I finally said “anything that you don’t recognize!” And then I looked at her bloodshot eyes & realized…they were both high. -__- 

She goes back into the room, comes back a few minutes later with my skirt & my tank top…and a sports bra. And then they bring out more clothes (not mine) and start going through them. I then play “Is this yours?” NO. “Is this yours?” NO. with homeboy. He holds up a pair of leggings that belongs to his 21 month old. “Are these yours?” ROFL. All of this is happening outside on their front porch. This goes on for minutes. Finally at this point I’m just like f*ck the clothes. I’m over it. Then she comes out of the room with one of my dresses & 2 thongs. Yeah…

So after this goes on for about 15 minutes, they invite me in for a drink to apologize. The guy swears he makes a great cocktail. So I go in. They have like 4 or 5 friends over. House full of high ass mofos that got quiet as shit when I knocked on the door. Crazy. So I have a drink, we chat. The girl says she likes wine…I have several bottles at home so I go back up to my apartment and bring her back a bottle of Cupcake Chardonnay. I hate chardonnay. OH, the strangest thing about this? My clothes are clean. AND DRY. HOW THE F*CK???! There’s no way they could’ve gotten clean and dry in the 27 min they were (or should’ve been) in the washer. 

I’m still missing 2 black thongs & god knows what else… :(