I’m back in the kitchen finally and excited about preparing your favorite Steen’s Cookies flavors! If this is your 1st time ordering or if you’re a return customer & don’t remember the ordering process, I am including instructions below. If you’re not clear on anything please don’t hesitate to…
This morning while I was at the gym, DMX’s “What These B*tches Want” came on. I’ve heard this song countless times over the years but today was the 1st time that I actually realized that the answer to Earl’s question is right there in the song itself.
2.) For you to eat off the plate like them other niggas do
3.) To not be fucked with from a distance
4.) To not be called hoes
5.) To not have our shit stolen by you the instant we start catching feelings
6.) For you to not then disappear on us like a thief in the night
7.) For you to stop sinking your teeth into/biting us
8.) For you to stop listing all the shit that you’ve done for/given us
9.) For you to not recite the laundry list of all the other women that you’ve been with…it’s really gross. You’re keeping it TOO real.
10.) For you to continue treating us fairly
11.) For you to stop name dropping…nobody’s really checkin for Dru Hill like that
12.) For you to stop telling your corny jokes & getting mad when we don’t laugh at them
13.) For you to stop trying to creep with our best friend so that you can put it in & dig deep
14.) For you to keep buying us jewelry :)
You do realize that you named off 46 women (including the 3 Kim’s), right? But suddenly you’re concerned about your wife & your life being jeopardized when one of them wants more than a 1 night thing? Your priorities are soooo backwards. You better hope Sisqo has an extra air mattress that you can lay on cuz you’re gonna need it after your wife hears this shit.
Last night I, like many of you watched in both horror & delight as R&B singer Miguel attempted & failed to complete a long jump over a packed mosh pit during the Billboard Music Awards. In case you missed it, watch this clip:
Notice as the girl on the right with the brown hair disappears into nothingness after her glasses are kicked clean off her face.
Within minutes, memes were created:
Then late last night Miguel tweeted:
The problem I have with Miguel blaming rock & roll for this failed summer Olympic track & field event is that Miguel is NOT a rocker. He’s an R&B singer. Rock & roll isn’t something that you can put on & take off like a costume whenever it’s convenient for you. You can’t be an R&B singer today and a rocker tomorrow and an astronaut on Thursday and a dentist on Saturday and a pediatrician next Tuesday. I feel like he took Barbie literally when she said “We girls can do anything.” You don’t see Keith Richards wearing a cowboy hat. You won’t see Steven Tyler hitting his Dougie. Dave Navarro isn’t walking around dressed like a mariachi. You know why? Cuz they’re rockers from the moment they wake up in the morning until they go to sleep at night. They don’t just decide one morning to be a country singer or a rapper. Navarro doesn’t grito on stage. Come on! Maybe Miguel saw some old footage of some rocker jumping over a crowd & that plus the fact that he was in Vegas inspired him to pay homage to Evel Knievel. I’m also pretty sure that whoever he saw doing this was on A LOT of drugs. At any rate, Miguel…hun. Your “Rock & Roll Stunt Queen Barbie” days are over. Please stick to keeping your feet on the ground. Have a seat & sing us a tune. I hear Boyz II Men has an extra stool that’s not being used.
Black privilege is not having non-black people know what you’re thinking.
People of color (especially ones who have found success and reached higher levels of socio-economic status) have evolved into social chameleons. They play “the role” better than any other minority group. People at the office have no idea that you spend your weekends cursing like a sailor, etc.
Hi. My name is Christine. And I'm a "damaged bitch."
I’ve been on Twitter for 4 years now. My Twitterversary was just this past week. In my 4 years on Twitter, I’ve met some really cool people. I’ve come across a few no so cool ones too. The positive experiences have definitely outweighed the negative.
Something weird happened tonight and I’ve been trying to understand it. That’s kinda how my brain works. I often try to make sense out of shit that doesn’t make any sense & end up driving myself crazy. Like this situation…
I wasn’t on Twitter much Friday. I had several little projects that I was working on at home. I can easily lose track of 3 entire hours tweeting. So I decided to spend most of the day running errands, shopping & organizing my apartment. I decided to take a little break so I hopped on Twitter for a few minutes around 10:00 pm and tweeted some nonsense, replied to a few things that I saw on my TL, etc. There’s this guy that I follow & he follows me too. I don’t even know his real name. I’m pretty sure it’s in his bio but honestly, knowing it hasn’t been on my list of priorities. A few weeks ago he asked me if he could send me a copy of his book to preview & I said sure but I never read it because I just didn’t have the time. Sometime after that, we exchanged a few DM’s. He started asking me a bunch of questions and I didn’t feel like answering them so I never responded. Aside from that, we haven’t had any communication outside of the timeline. Anyway, so I saw him tweet the word “Substance.” I wasn’t sure what he was talking about. But me being the smart ass that I am added “Abuse” to it. So he replies “I love you, Steen. lol” About 20 minutes later, I get a DM from him. This is how the exchange went:
Him: I hate you with all of my heart.
Him: Lovely. Please text me. (xxx) xxx-xxxx (I removed the # to protect his privacy)
Him: It means text me, woman.
Him: Text me a text message. Or call me. lol I want to talk to you.
(At this point I’m looking at my phone like WTF?)
Me: Do you think you’re being charming or something right now?
Him: I don’t think anything. I’m being me. Which is all I can be.
Him: I can give a shit about being charming. I present me.
Me: Oh. Well I don’t like it.
Him: I’m sorry. It’s nothing in my control. I know I’m very good with learning a woman, and adjusting. But until then, I’m not good at faking.
Him: I don’t know you.
Him: But all I want to do is get to know you right now. Please.
(At this point, I clicked on his name, went to his profile, and reported him as spam.)
So…I sat there for a minute. I reread the DM’s. I thought maybe I was trippin. So I shared them with a male friend. I told him that this dude just tried to bully me out of my phone #. He laughed at the exchange (I sent him screencaps) and said that dude was weird. *whew* I’m not trippin. Sometimes you need confirmation. I just couldn’t understand why someone that I’ve only ever DM’ed once before EVER felt comfortable enough to come at me like that. (On March 20th he DM’ed me & said “You should call me before you write me off, old-head.” I was so offended I didn’t even dignify that with a response. You really think I want to talk to you after you just insulted me? Fuck outta here.)
So here’s the part that really has me blown right now: I’m guessing he tried to send me another DM & discovered that he’d been blocked so he proceeded to tweet some nonsensical bullshit that ended with this tweet:
“Damaged Bitches. ««”
So now I’m a “damaged bitch” when just ONE HOUR ago you were tweeting me that you loved me & just one hour ago you were in my DM’s practically begging me to call you or text you? What the fuck is wrong with niggas? I’m a lot of things, but a damaged bitch isn’t one of them. I’m a sister, and a daughter and a friend. I’m a savvy businesswoman. I’m a baker. I’m thoughtful. I’m charitable. I’m compassionate. I’m smart. I’m funny. And I’m happy. But I’m NOT damaged. And I’m NOT a bitch. I also know a crazy nigga when I see one. The way he reacted is EXACTLY the reason why I blocked him. Instead of insulting me and calling me a damaged bitch, maybe take a look at your own actions & your horrible approach & that might help you figure out why you’re a 28 year old divorced man who is getting blocked by women on Twitter on a Friday night. Perhaps YOU are the problem. If I’m damaged now, was I damaged an hour ago? Why were you trynna get my damaged old ass to call you? This reminds me of those niggas in the club that will ask you to dance & will call you all kinds of bitches if you say no. Pride is a motherfucker. If this is how he handles rejection online, I’d seriously hate to see how he handles rejection in the real world.
Seek professional help. And don’t subtweet me again. I’ll air you out next time. Crazy motherfucker.
Thank you all SO much for your overwhelming response to Steen’s Cookies being back. I’m currently wrapping up the last 22 orders (38 dozen more cookies to mix, bake & ship!) so I appreciate everyone’s patience as I painstakingly prepare each order for shipment.
I’m not taking any more orders at this time so that I can focus on my existing orders. I will be taking a few days off after I am caught up and will return in about a week or so.
Thanks again for the love. I look forward to your feedback & pics!
Once upon a time, I used to give stuff away. Then I got busy & stopped. Well…I’m still busy but whatever. ANYWAY, I’m giving something away dammit. It’s a “Targus Dual Charger for iPad.” You can charge 2 devices at once. "Dual 2.1-amp ports allow you to simultanousely charge two devices, even 2 iPads, at the same damn time." (Ok, so I added damn.)
-Included charge/sync cable can be used separately
-Charge other USB charged devices using your own USB cables
Made for: iPod touch (2nd-4th generation), iPod classic, iPod nano (4th-6th generation), iPhone 3G, 3GS & 4, iPad, (and other USB charged devices, cable not included.)
It’s brand new in the box. Never been opened or used. So if you want it, all you have to do is LIKE this post. DASS IT! I will select 1 winner tonight if I’m not too drunk. Otherwise I’ll select a winner in the morning. Winner will be announced via another Tumblr post so check back tomorrow to see if you won. If the winner doesn’t claim the prize within 24 hrs, another winner will be selected.
Well…temporarily. So many regulars have been missing their favorite Steen’s Cookies flavors while others never got a chance to try them. So this weekend I will be back in the kitchen. But there’s a catch.
I will only have 10 dozen cookies available in the following flavors:
The title immediately grabbed my attention: "Why You Should Not Wait For A Clear Vision Before You Move Forward." Without even reading it, I was immediately reminded of how I jumped feet first into my cookie business just 2 years ago without a clear vision and through hard work & trial and error embarked on one of the most incredible journeys of my life. So I was like “Yessss! I’m here for this!” and started reading.
"Whenever I’m speaking to entrepreneurs—whether they are around the country or around the world—I’m always asked to share my now famous “ATM Story”. It’s one I kept close to the vest for years, because I was too embarrassed to reveal it. But today, I know it’s important to share."
You’ve got my attention, Ali! I’m always here for a good rags to riches story! So I’m all like “Oooh…a ‘famous’ ATM story. Folks ask for it by name. This has GOT to be good. I can’t wait to get into these pearls of wisdom!”
Mmmhmmm…went to the ATM. Mmmmhmm…only had $18 in the acct. Been there girl! Can’t go to happy hour. LOL! Been there too! Called your girls up. Yup! They probably even offered to pay for you & you didn’t wanna be a burden so you just said you had cramps or something. Waaait. That’s it? *looks for a link that says “Read More”* *doesn’t find link* WTF ALI!!! What makes this story so inspirational? She had $18 in her acct and now she’s on a beach in CA. Ok, and? I was really hoping she’d say "…and to this day, I carry that tattered receipt in my wallet as a constant reminder of where I came from." or “That receipt hangs in a frame on the wall of my big fancy ass office over my baller ass desk which faces a big window overlooking the Pacific Ocean & I watch dolphins do bellyflops all day.” But NOOOO. She just had $18 in her acct and couldn’t go have drinks with Samantha & Miranda. Girl bye.
I’ve had $18 in my acct. And you know what I did? I found the credit union ATM’s that dispensed $5 bills (and wouldn’t charge me that pesky fee) and went and proudly withdrew $15 and got my life. Or I took my black ass to the store, bought a pack of gum for 99 cents and got $10 cash back. No fees! I’ve also had $18 in my acct and deposited $2 cash and withdrew a $20. Cry me an ocean of tears with albino belly flopping dolphins in it. Many of us have struggled. Some of are STILL struggling. This story was so raggedy. Ugh!
I’m not sure what I’m being prepared for, but I hope it’s something great. I believe that it is. It has to be. This faith keeps me sane. Funny thing about faith is once you question it, it ceases to be faith. So I revel in my ability to not question why the things that are happening are happening. I acquired this ability back in 2009 when I lost my job. During the course of about 2 weeks, life as I knew it changed forever. That one event set so many things in motion. It was a painful time, but I wouldn’t give it back if I could. During that time I added faith & yoga to my life. Those 2 things saved me. So now I believe that everything happens for a reason and that reason may not be clear now but it will be later.
I can’t begin to count how many times I’ve repeated that last sentence in my head. It’s on a loop. It’s constantly playing in the background. It’s always there. On good days it’s there reminding me to relish in this great moment. I laugh a little louder. And dance a little harder. I actually stop when I see a rose & smell it, just to say that I did. On bad days it’s there reminding me that more good days will come, and that without the bad I wouldn’t be able to measure the good.
But it’s so hard not to ask why when people seem to be coming in & out of my life more & more frequently. Some stay longer than others. Some stay long enough to get their fill. Others are gone just as fast as they came.
I can’t help but to wonder if it was good for them. If they think about me. If my obnoxious laugh haunts them. If they remember the good times we had. The laughs that brought us to tears & left us with sore cheeks. The delicious food that we ate. The glasses that never stayed empty for long. Those late night heart to heart conversations when we shared intimate details of our lives. When we talked about dreams. When we talked about our fears. When we talked about our families. When we bared our souls. When we were each other’s beacon during dark moments in our lives. When we weren’t afraid to be human together. The comfort that came from beautiful connections that I thought would last until we were old, that warmed me from the inside out like hot chocolate on a cold day.
I always want them to stay. But they don’t. They never do.
Sometimes I dream that I can share my view of the world with you like a web conference, beyond my desktop, where the best I can do is an excel window and a scatter-chart trend change in aggregate and enumerated happiness plotted against instances of our interactions.
Being Held Accountable For Online Dirt, In Real Life
I woke up this morning just before 5am (because I’d been in a See’s Candy/rose’/mini chicken pot pie induced coma for about 11 hours) and couldn’t go back to sleep. So naturally, I decided to hop on Twitter to see what the east coasters were talking about. The 1st tweet I saw was one that @areefuhstanklin RT’ed from @FatFemPinUp. I immediately moseyed on over to her TL where I subsequently got my entire life. Get into @FatFemPinUp’s “rant” about being held accountable for online dirt and follow her on Twitter for more gems. <3
Being Held Accountable For Online Dirt, In Real Life http://t.co/3kSYMZTn #storify #notso #youmightbeafeminist
do you think ppl should be held accountable IRL for the things they post on social networking sites?
there seems to be this SHAME in addressing someone IRL over something they put online…as if their online life were out of bounds
so ..if you’re online flirting or bashing someone and a family member or a your significant other address you for it….they’re in the wrong
what i dont understand is this: your online persona is a public expression of yourself, y do u think u shudnt be held accountable for YOU?
there’s alot of cheating that goes on, online, a lot of racism, sexism and hate speech, a lot of planning and plotting against others
but somehow people….men specifically think that the whole internet is vegas, and what happens on the internet stays there 0.o #notso
you shouldnt go to the internet to have a private life
if you’re going to scheme….and you dont want to answer for it IRL, you prolly shudnt tweet about it, i dun care WHO is “stalking” ur page
your significant other gets online and catches you calling someone else baby and “the one” and all u can say is “stop stalking my page”
as if they MUST be the crazy one for finding out that you’re talking to women online and feigning faithfulness IRL, so instead of apologizng
instead of tryna work it out…..you paint them as crazy and meddlesome….tryna hold you down, stalking you, obsessing……oh….oh ok
now of course there is a line….u can’t get confronted offline for everything you say like “melanie fiona can get it” and u get cussed out
but thinking that you can openly tweet about some dirt you are on IRL and still be above reproach is ridiculous
i got mad at my …whatever the hell he is…for calling this girl his “prototype” …its a nickname he calls me…and it has significance
to him and to me…it goes to a person being everything that you ever wanted in a mate…a model for what you need/want/deserve for yourself
called another woman that….and im like …wait…so there’s more than one of us? so aint shit special about that? OH….
and he was like i shudnt have to answer for my tweets in my text messages….why not? isnt everyone accountable for the things they say?
what makes you the exception?
or is it bc i am a woman and you are a man ..and you want the freedom to run game on everyone you come in contact with…..no accountability
and another thing….ppl get on the internet and expose themselves to be these REAL SHITTY individuals….and DARE ppl IRL to call em on it
and when you do….U’RE in the wrong? lol just some more of those patriarchal power games, where blatantly wrong men can make you look crazy
and they gang up on women too! in order to protect their “right” to do internet dirt….one dude says “bitches are crazy for stalking my
twitter, facebook etc. page” ….and other men hurriedly agree, bc if they unite behind that dude, then they gain more freedom online
that’s how patriarchy works…get all the men in agreement…and all the women fighting each other, and the men rise to the top controlling
then there is this message sent that “good women” who keep their men, dont hold them accountable for the things they post online
good women dont ‘stalk’ their significant other’s pages bc they have class or bc they trust them or bc ignorance is bliss
but am I stalking you if i take a look at your twitter/facebook page once every few weeks to see if you posted any new pics? am i really?
am i stalking you if we had an awesome weekend together where i came from out of town to see you, and want to see if you mentioned it?
am i stalking you if this is the first time i’ve EVER addressed anything you’ve tweeted, bc it hurt me or disconcerted me? no. I am not.
men are very quick to throw around the controlling image of the fem stalker who, stays on their internet pgs all day, waitin for em to fk up
i wont make a liar out of myself and pretend that women dont use the internet this way….but seriously….how often? and who backs them up?
something can be said about having a social system behind you when you’re in the wrong…screaming that you’re right bc you’re the man
All I’m really saying is …dont think yu can say hurtful things online, pursue other women openly online….and not answer for it IRL
now….no one has a right to POLICE your behavior…online or offline…but there’s a difference between policing and holding u accountable
I’m copying & pasting what I sent to someone else so if there’s convo mixed in I’m sorry! lol
What you need:
1/4 cup butter
1 cup heavy cream
1-2 bulbs of roasted garlic, mashed
1 cup of langostino lobster tails (or whatever meat or seafood you like)
1/4 cup homemade bacon bits (3 or 4 pieces of cooked bacon chopped up)
1-1 1/2 cups cheese (I use the “Freshly Shaved Parmesan, Romano, Asiago Cheese” from Trader Joe’s)
Fresh basil, thyme & rosemary to taste
Sea salt & pepper to taste
1.) I used TWO entire bulbs of roasted garlic today. I know that sounds like a lot, but once you roast it, it’s milder but really flavorful. To roast your garlic, just slice off the tops of the bulbs. Sit them on a piece of foil on a cookie sheet. Pour about 1 tsp of olive oil into the garlic bulb. Wrap them up loosely & bake for about 30 min on 350.
(I roasted the garlic last night & mashed it up and stored it in a little container. Saved me time today.)
If you’re roasting the garlic the same day, let it cool for 10 min before popping the bulbs out and mashing them in a bowl. (This roasted mashed garlic mixed with butter & parmesan also makes a GREAT garlic bread spread, FYI.) If you roast it long enough, they pop out on their own in the oven. It’s kinda cool. :)
2.) Add your 1/4 cup of butter to a sauce pan. Cook over a low to medium heat until the butter starts to melt.
3.) Add in your mashed garlic and herbs and cook for about 5 minutes. If you’re adding shallots or mushrooms or anything else, this would be the time to throw those in too. Stir it!
4.) Next, pour in your cup of cream & add your cheese. Keep stirring. Taste as you go. Add salt & pepper to taste.
5.) Reduce your heat and keep stirring to ensure that nothing scalds or sticks.
6.) Once you see the cheese is starting to melt, throw in your prepared lobster, shrimp, chicken, etc. I’ll throw in some frozen broccoli crowns at this point, as they only need a few min of heat to be ready to eat.
7.) Ladle over pasta of your choice and garnish with
-The first time I made this I used the shaved romano, parmesan asiago cheese from Trader Joes and it was GREAT! The 2nd time I used just parm and it was too sweet. The lobster meat is sweet so I had to add a bunch of other stuff to cut the sweetness.
-I use about 1 cup of langostino lobster tails. (I get them from Costco or Trader Joe’s. You can also use chicken or shrimp or salmon or whatever you’d like.) I added fresh basil, thyme & rosemary for flavor. I also threw in some frozen brocolli crowns the last time. You can do as much or as little with this as you want. Since the langostino is cooked, it only needed about 5 minutes in the mixture before it was ready. Overcooking will make it tough. If your sauce gets too thick, add a little MILK to it. It’ll cut back on the thickness from the cream a little.
-Oh, and I used farfalle pasta the first time and pennette the 2nd & subsequent times I made it. The pennette was the way to go.
Its pretty fool proof. Boil some pasta, make a sauce. Throw it together. Garnish with a little basil. Slice up some bacon into chunks and pan fry it. You can sprinkle that on top or put it in the mix too.
I suck at putting together recipes so if you have any questions or if I skipped a step, holla. <3
To my dismay, links aren't allowed here. So I tagged [@]MissZindzi and [@]Copper_Soul and asked them to reply you showing; 1) Me discussing the capital markets (which ties into the stock market compliment analogies that strangely got me blocked) and 2) Me at karaoke (which displays a fun side). So here's the ask: Has this 90s rap music loving financial analyst 80s baby wasted his time?
I want to know why I was blocked on twitter for complimenting you using finance metaphors and other unconventional grammatical flattery. Are you alarmed and/or put off by stuff that doesn't fall into the ''You a fine yella bone'' category?
This morning I had a new mattress delivered. It was a birthday gift from my mom. I put her on to that QVC “Easy Pay” life and it was a wrap. Anyway, so the mattress was to be delivered by a local delivery company. I had to jump through a few hoops to get the damn thing to my house. Schedule delivery online, select a delivery window, they’d call my mom, she’d text me info, etc. A lot was going on. So I was pretty much just ready for this thing to get delivered so that we could all go on with our lives.
This morning I called the company before 8am to see if they could narrow down this 4 hour window and was told that I was the driver’s 3rdstop so it shouldn’t be too long. I was told that he’d call me when he was 30 minutes out. Shortly before 9:00, I received a call from the driver stating that he was about 5 miles away from my house. 15 minutes later I heard him stomping around on the stairs outside so I opened the door.
There were 2 guys. They had on shorts, work boots and matching t-shirts with the company logo on them. One guy had a full beard. The other guy had those gauge things in his ears. Even though it was 9:15, it was already HOT. Like, I had the a/c on. And I’m cheap when it comes to the a/c. So if I have the air on you KNOW it’s hot. They brought in the mattress and box spring and started setting everything up. This took MAYBE 10 minutes. I was happy that they got this done so quickly because like I said, I was ready for this entire thing to be over. Plus I had other things to do (ie: getting to work.) I offered them some cold water. I didn’t have individual bottles so I poured them both a glass. Bearded guy took his water to the head. Ear gauge dude sipped on his. When they were done, beard says something about their next delivery to ears before exiting my apartment.
Now…let me back up for a sec. When they first came in, ear gauge dude started chatting me up. “Is there anyone back there sleeping?” he asked. I said no. “So you’re here alone?”Uhhhh…yeah? That made me feel a little uneasy but I didn’t think too much of it. But he just wouldn’t shut up. “So, how long have you guys been here?” I said about a month, only because I still have shit everywhere and I didn’t feel like being judged for being in my apartment for 2 months and still having 20 boxes in my bedroom . \(._.)/ So that’s when beard dude drank his water and left me alone with chatty ear gauge guy. All I wanted to do was just sign whatever it was that I had to sign so that he could be on his merry way. This is when things got a little weird.
I asked “Where do I need to sign?” and he says that I have to fill out this short yes/no questionnaire. So I’m trying to read these questions when he asks me some other question about “you guys” so I asked him “Who is ‘you guys’? You keep asking me about ‘you guys.’” And he says “You and your husband. You’re not married?” I said no. “Oh, I was just asking that because of your ring.” *points* I said I wasn’t. “So, do you have a boyfriend?” I hesitantly answered yes. “So are you guys engaged?” “Uhhhh…something like that.” I said. “The only reason why I ask is because sometimes a ring can have the opposite effect. It’s like a magnet. “ <insert creepy chuckle here>
At this point, I’m reading these questions out loud trying to drown out his voice. Trying to make it abundantly clear that I’m focused on something else and that I’m NOT entertaining what he’s talking about. I read one of the questions out loud which was something like “Did your deliverymen dispose of all debris?” and he says “Did your delivery guy ask you a bunch of questions? Uh huh uh huh uh huh.” More creepy chuckling. At this point I no longer cared if I marked no in a yes or yes in a no. I just wanted him GONE. And then this fool has the nerve to ask me“Can I use your bathroom?” I said “Uhhhhhhhh” and he said “Don’t worry about it, it’s cool. I can hold it.” I said “Yeah, I just have a thing about people using my bathroom.” I’m thinking that the last thing I want is for this fool to be alone in any room in my house with the door closed, snooping through my shit. Plus I have jewelry in my bathroom? No ma’am. Plus I just recently saw “Horrible Bosses” so I’m picturing him cleaning his taint with my toothbrush. Naw! I scribbled my signature & he took his little raggedy survey and left and I locked the door behind him.
After calling a friend and telling him the story, I decided that it was probably a good idea to call the guy’s company and report him. I just felt really creeped out about being asked repeatedly if I lived alone, if I was home alone, if I have a man, if a man lives there, etc. For all I know, this fool was planning to come back later on to whip out the jammy & straight flat blast my ass! So I called and asked to speak with someone regarding a delivery that I’d just had and an issue with the delivery guy. I get transferred to this woman and I start telling her the story. She apologized profusely. She told me that this is not how they do business, that she was sorry, that he was extremely unprofessional, that he was making the company look bad, etc. And then she says “I will make SURE to speak with his supervisor right away. He has been with this company TOO LONG to be doing something like that. And he’s been married too long to be doing something like that.” Chew on that for a minute.
The way she sounded tho…I got nervous for a sec. Either I was speaking to his wife or I was speaking to one of his wife’s homegirls. She was HEATED. I said “HE’S MARRIED?!” She said “YES. I’m not his wife, but I know her.” *sigh of relief* then she says “So not only am I going to tell his supervisor about this but I’m going to tell his wife too. He’s gonna get hit so hard from both ends he won’t even know what happened to him.” I really wanted to say pause but alas. Chalk that up as an epic missed opportunity. She thanked me for calling to report the incident, apologized again and we ended the call.
I recently did a Tumblr post titled “5 Things I’m Not Here For” which basically detailed 5 random things that I just don’t have time nor patience for. http://steenfox.tumblr.com/post/26928127905/5-things-im-not-here-for. I also tagged 10 people in that post but encouraged everyone to participate even if they weren’t tagged. The “5 Things” movement has shown me that I’m actually not here for A LOT. Gas prices? They’re too damn high! Potholes? Bad breath? Mom’s asking me when is she gonna get some grandbabies? Rachel Ray not washing her chicken before cooking it? Mayonaise? I’m not here for any of that. So if you wanna look fake busy for the rest of your work day, check these out. There are videos too for those of you who don’t like to read. Also, if you do a “5 Things” post, please link me so that I can add you to this post. You can either submit it to me via my ask thingy or hit me at @SteenFox. Use this hashtag too. #5ThingsImNotHereFor
In an effort to pass the time at work & break up the grits & ass eating convos on my TL, I came up with the idea of doing a “5 Things I’m Not Here For “ challenge. If this works, I think it’ll be quite entertaining. All you have to do is list 5 things you’re not here for & why. Maybe you’re fed up because your air conditioning isn’t working. Perhaps you’re not here for the hair that you found in your $12 salad. It could be anything! Then encourage a few of your friends to join too. Cool? Cool! Let’s begin.
1.) Fake Ocean: If you’re unaware, there are several active Frank Ocean parody accounts on Twitter. There’s @frank__ocean, @frank_ocean_& @frank_ocaen. I’m sure there are others, but those are the 3 that I keep seeing getting RT’ed into my TL. I think it’s hilarious that people follow these accounts & RT them and often even attempt to have conversations with them. Lord…reading is fundamental. Anyway, last night, @frank__ocean told @frank_ocaen that he was fake. Well if that isn’t the fake pot calling the fake kettle fake! Then Fake Ocean tweeted that he “loves his fans.” When I told him that he didn’t have no gotdamn fans, he proceeded to tell me that his 9k followers were his fans, that they love his tweets, and that I’m a nappy headed hoe. LMAO! Be that as it may, there are folks out here living out their dreams of stardom & relevance via parody accounts. It must really suck to be so uninteresting that the only time you can get attention from strangers is if you pretend to be someone else. I don’t even have time to be Christine, so this concept is more foreign than 2 Chainz cars & broads but it’s happening every day y’all. I blame the people following these accounts for giving these pitiful children life. Anyone following Fake Will Smith (he has 30k followers) or Fake Katt Williams (he has 369 THOUSAND followers. And he’s not even funny!) or Fake Prince (Prince hates the internet. Why the hell are 30k people following this account?) shame on you! A few weeks ago, I saw an account that had around 25k followers and was using pictures of some random internet model. Dudes were all up in this accounts mentions telling “her” how fine she was & the fake account was thanking these people! That’s how dudes get caught up. Next thing you know, you find out that the person you’ve been DM’ing those pics of your peen to is actually named Earl.
2.) Steebie J’s Women: I swear you would end up with alcohol poisoning if you took a shot every time Mimi & Joseline from “Love & Hip Hop Atlanta” referred to Stevie J as “my man” during the course of 1 episode. Claiming Stevie J as your man is the equivalent of claiming a parking spot at the mall as “your spot.” Sure it’s yours as long as you’re there. But as soon as you leave, someone else is going to be in it & it’ll be their spot. Stop trynna claim folks that don’t wanna be claimed. You look foolish.
3.) These boobs in this heat: Listen. I realized last weekend whilst sweating my weave out at the BET Awards that I have winter titties. It’s just too gotdamn hot for all this chest insulation. The only time I’m not miserable about the chest area is October 1st – April 30th. May 1st-September 31st is for C cups & smaller. I’m about to sew some of those blue freezer packs into the lining of my sports bra cuz lord!
4.) Other people’s privates & reproductive organs: People are so preoccupied with what other people are doing with their privates. Stop worrying about what consenting adults are doing with other consenting adults. Stop focusing on what STRANGERS are doing in bed. If we’re not sleeping together, I don’t care about your nethers. I’m not here for Fantasia’s womb. You can’t really be seriously mad that Adele is pregnant & unwed. Is this 1953? And I REALLY don’t care if Frank Ocean is a top or a bottom. F*ck I look like worrying about who Fantasia is pregnant by when I have boxes stacked to the ceiling in my bedroom? I live in a Class A fire hazard! My neighbors stole my underwear. I have other stuff on my plate & I’m sure you do too. If not, get you some business. Shit.
5.) Chasing People Down: To paraphrase a tweet that I read the other day, every time someone greets you with “hey stranger”, they’ve been a stranger themselves. I have a busy life. We all have obligations & priorities and such. I moved into a new place on June 1st & it looks like I moved in July 1st. I’ve worked 2 awards shows since I started moving in, 1 of which was in another state. My kitchen & my bathroom are the only 2 rooms that don’t look ransacked. The struggle is real. There are only 24 hours in a day & trying to get everything crammed into those 24 hours is hard for a G. I get it. But when you get a free moment, you reach out to the people you care about to let them know that you’re still alive. A quick “hello” text takes 10 seconds. My time is just as precious as the next person’s so if I reach out to you in the midst of my busy schedule, you should feel honored. I feel honored when my busy friends keep in touch. But if that effort isn’t reciprocated, I have no trouble disappearing. I do give a f*ck, but please know that my f*cks have a shelf life. I refuse to chase ANYONE down. Don’t let my f*cks expire on your ass. You’ll mess around & get that “Who’s this?” text response next time you decide it’s convenient for you to hit me up.
So, these are 5 things that I’m not here for this week. What are you not here for? Let me know! I also want to know what @beauty_jackson, @luvvie, @TheXDExperience, @KidFury, @SimplyAyeproh, @BrokeyMcPoverty, @MissZindzi, @Crissles, @CorporateBarbie, & @LeeBlvd aren’t here for!